A New Life That Will Begin at 40

After two consecutive painful losses, it's already beyond our wildest thoughts that God will allow us to have an additional child we desired for years. And the best part is we're given a son. But even if God granted us our hearts' desire, it was not a rosy journey. I was almost placed on bed rest on the 4th month, then became maid-less while homeschooling two kids grades 1 and 5,  overseeing two small ventures and leading a discipleship group at church.

The situation I'm in is unbearable and there came a point I was tempted to give up. Give up being a motivator and teacher to our kids, give up being happy doing the same routines in the house everyday, give up discipling my group at church, give up being discipled by my dgroup, give up all the work that makes me very tired at each end of the day. Indeed the enemy which is the devil loves to steal our joy and makes our outlook in life miserable.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. - John 10:10

It was through those difficult moments when I can no longer endure everything that I raised my white flag, gave up in a different fashion by completely surrendering all my woes to God. Then I found unimaginable peace and strength by trusting and allowing Him to have total control over my situation. It's also where His promises in the bible became real.

That His grace is sufficient,

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

His steadfast love, mercy and grace is always new every morning,

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations‬ ‭3:22-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

He will never leave or forsake us,

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”” Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

He is faithful,

“If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” 2 Timothy‬ ‭2:13‬ ‭NASB‬

He loves us so much..

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans‬ ‭8:37-39‬ ‭ESV‬‬

So much of God's words and His character revealed to us.

This pregnancy was unveiled to me last year through a series of dreams. Before I missed my period I dreamt of being pregnant holding my full blown belly, The second dream was before we know the gender, I was not pregnant anymore and was happily holding a healthy baby boy in my arms. There is yet another dream I couldn't reveal until it's been realized. I don't usually believe in dreams coincidentally becoming real when I became a Christian coz it's one tactics of enemy's deception but in fervent prayers and daily devotionals, I was assured it was not.

In a few days time or before this month ends, we'll welcome another bundle of joy into our family. A testimony of God's faithfulness. A great reason to celebrate Father's day for  my husband as he continues to intentionally disciple our children and also a meaningful way to welcome my mid-life with great joy and anticipation of a new baby boy. And the ultimate suspense is on how God would take care each one of us after I give birth without any househelp, kids' homeschooling while I'm on maternity, husband's adjustment with pressing priorities. Our only desire is may God be glorified in everything we do.

Wait on God's Perfect Timing

I just started my first ever Skypleship meeting last Friday. This is an online discipleship group (or DGroup) meeting via a Skype conference for the purpose of studying God's word, fellowship, prayer, mutual support and accountability. The people we connect with around the globe regardless of religious background are those who want to study God's word where it's impossible in the country or area they are in, or they have limited access to churches.

God gave me the best birthday present last June when he gave me my first ever member after months of waiting. God made me wait. I applied to be a Skypleship leader November last year. My application was processed January this year, application approved last May and my first ever member seek me on the day of my birthday. His timing is indeed very perfect. He didn't allow me to start leading my own group until he found my heart ready to do so, not until I was equipped as I only finished my training under Global Leadership Center last May and not until it was already God's timing. But this will not happen have I not heeded God's call and obeyed to his leading through my daily quiet times studying his word and through God's grace.

This verse from the bible reminded me to wait upon God's perfect time. For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day. (Habakkuk 2:3)

Another perfectly timed moment God endowed us with is being part of the Family Ministry. My husband and I had this desire to attend the Family and Finance seminar but we made a list of confirmations from the Lord before finalizing our decision to do so. I almost bought a ticket in haste after a church service just to grab the early bird rate. But ended up submitting to my husband's request to wait a little bit more. To our delight, I received an SMS after three days inviting us to facilitate the Family and Finance big event. Of course I got so thrilled and excited since this kind of confirmation was clearly given to us. And to top it all, our ticket for the event was sponsored by a very kind and generous couple. The reward of obeying God to submit to our husbands. God is not just amazing but also full of pleasant surprises.

After the event, we will also have the chance to minister our own couple's dgroup which they called "SaturDATES" where we will meet every Saturdays. Little did I know that my husband has been praying for this kind of ministry because he was unable to join me in my Skypleship ministry due to time constraints at work. Why God lead us to the Family and Finance branch of the Family Ministry is for us to know soon. But I have a strong inkling that God will use our not so good and good experiences we previously had on handling finances as a couple.

So if we sometimes feel impatient about God not answering our prayers nor is experiencing a seemingly dead end at our circumstances, let's always be reminded that God is a loving God and is faithful to his promises. As the song goes, "Trust and obey, for there's no other way." So let us wait patiently for the Lord.

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD. (Psalm 27:14 )

Visit http://www.familyandfinance.org/ to know more and
register in the event

See you at the Family and Finance seminar!

Thank God, It's Monday! - TGIM

Inspired by my sister in Christ who started a blogging event which she termed "Thank God, It's Monday!", I'm also writing my own TGIM post to replace all the negative vibes during Mondays until this becomes a bandwagon and a phenomenon.

Today is a rainy Monday and for most in the north, a stormy one. When I was working in the corporate world, the fact that I hate going back to work on Mondays coz it's hard to let go of the weekend bliss made me hate it more when the weather is bad. To think I go to work by car so how much more for those who take the public transportation? Another self-discovery; how ungrateful and so discontent I was before.

What makes me love Mondays, by the way? A lot of things. But I have to tackle only the things I have in store for me today and this week.

I Thank God It's Monday because....

... we're on our fourth week of homeschooling! The kids are enjoying and loving it and so am I. Yay, we are thriving!

... I will again be preparing exciting and engaging activities for our kids to supplement their bookish type of learning and I also learn a lot of things in the process.

... it's raining hard and we homeschool, I'll not be bothered with monitoring the news on status of class suspensions due to bad weather, or worry on my kids' condition away from me, instead I'll use that time doing more productive work. This is so thumbs up! :)

... I sent NXTGen devotional material to one of my Friday Skypleship mommies last night and she sent me a very affirmative reply just now. She said she couldn't wait for our meeting this Friday. This painted a big smile on my face.

... I'm also very excited to meet my Tuesday Skypleship online droup tomorrow for the first time so today I'll be preparing the topics for the meeting.

... even if it's a stormy weather, I was still able to visit my garden and give my greens their nitrogen boost from the coffee grounds the kids got from Starbucks yesterday. Instead of buying chemical fertilizers, we thought of a better idea staying at Starbucks once in a while, buying a couple of drinks while the kids are engaged with their activities and I work on my stuffs. Free AC office space, classroom, unique experience of the kids and of course my free coffee grounds.

... it's one day less to our final assessment day in TESDA which means putting an end to our tedious travel in the south to attend classes and sleepless nights studying and preparing for our portfolio. We are training to become certified assessors and trainors at a national level in our chosen field which is IT. Just adding another hat.

O my, I still got a lot of "to-thank-for-items" in my list which I opt not to write anymore coz I might be divulging too much information. I never thought there actually are a lot of things to be grateful for. Our lives will truly become better if our hearts are always thankful. It's actually God's will for us as stated by the source: "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV). I don't need to look further and wait for signs to know what God's will for me is, it's so crystal clear. I'm already doing God's will in my life by just being thankful.

And the ultimate reward for being thankful is a heart full of peace which comes from the author of peace alone which is Jesus.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:15-17 ESV)

It's never too late to start a bucket list of gratefulness. I can attest how life changing this small act is.

It's now your turn to publish your own TGIM post, may it be on any social media or blog sites you own and see how it could change your perspective on things and life per se.

Navigating the Star of Bethlehem in Modern Time

Our daughters saw two bright stars on our way home. It reminded us of the news about the "Star of Bethlehem " phenomenon which can be seen for the first time in 2,000 years on June 30, 2015 (July 1 in PH). We're still lucky to have a glimpse though not as bright due to cloudy skies but we thank God for the opportunity and reminding us through our kids.

Good thing, we recalled the astronomy apps downloaded by our ever diligent principal (my husband, Marvin) so we have an instant astronomy class inside the car. We rushed to get home since viewing it inside a moving vehicle wouldn't provide us accurate results as the app needs re-calibration most of the time.

Following The Star of Bethlehem on our way home.

So after taking a swift dinner, everyone went out of the house and explored the sky using the apps like little astronomers.

Homeschooling at night

Since today is Pasig Day (hubby's work holiday), we met with our discipleship group (DGroup) for early breakfast and got the chance to stroll around after, the kids' schedule of homeschool lessons and activities were put on hold. I'm actually still adjusting to unlearn the conventional way of schooling because I still somehow bring the conventional school system in our homeschool which should not be the case. Anyway, by God's grace, the timeframe to learn to unlearn it has begun because we're able to promptly shove away frustrations and allowed adjustments. In short, we embraced flexibility in our homeschooling. The result? We homeschooled at night for the first time! :)

We loved to see the awe in our kids faces as they pointed the smartphones in the sky while the app concurrently displays the images of the stars, planets and space stations.

Spotted Saturn!

The moon's location (though not exact when this
photo was taken due to calibration issue)

The kids also experienced the perspective of the earth's roundness (or spherical as what Bree told me) as they pointed the smartphones up to see the moon and pointed it down the opposite direction to see the sun together with Mars and Mercury. All the while we felt like the sun just moved to the West at dusk to set to give way to the moon at night.

The Star of Bethlehem aka Jupiter and Venus

Planet Mercury when we pointed the app downward.

Bree found the location of the Hubble Space Telescope

As well the the International Space Station

The sun at the opposite side of the moon along
with other planets close to it, Mercury and Mars.

Supplementing technology in our homeschool curriculum gives us the flexibility we need and an unlimited stream of information. This is one of the reasons we chose to take the homeschooling journey and we've been enjoying it so far.

LOVE THE SINNER, HATE THE SIN

It's all over my news feed. Articles, commentaries, blogs and videos were being published in full blast with the recent ruling in the US that approved "same-sex marriage". If I was still in my "old self", you can easily predict how I would react--condemn the sinner and post guilt trips on social media. But having been transformed by Christ (through his death and saving grace) and maintaining a relationship with him changed my mindset and heart to love one another as I have been a consistent recipient of God's unending grace and love everyday made my stand on this issue to -- "Love the sinner; hate the sin."

I couldn't find any exact biblical reference to this saying. But there is one verse in Jude 1:22-23 that could relate to this idea. It says: "Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.” This could mean that our view should be characterized by mercy for the sinner and a healthy hatred of sin and its effects.

Christ died for our sins. It's with ardent desire to feel compassion on sinners for whom Christ died, and keeping ourselves from being polluted by the world as well. I'm not saying that I am perfect, it's only through God's grace that gives the conviction to say no to sin. Also, as a limited human being, we cannot love perfectly, nor hate perfectly (without malice). Only God can do both of this perfectly; he can hate the sin and the sinner in a perfectly holy way and still lovingly forgive at the time of repentance and faith. This is kinda mysterious isn't it? God can perfectly love and hate a person at the same time? How could this happen? The bible clearly states this fact in 1 John 4:8-9 which says, "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." This means that He loves us as someone he created and redeemed, and he also hates us for our unbelief and sinful lifestyle. Being imperfect human beings, we cannot do this but the least we could remind ourselves is to "love the sinner; hate the sin."

Still confused, eh? This simply means we are to hate sin by identifying it, declining to take part in it, and condemning it because it's contrary to God's nature. We should not excuse sin or take it lightly but it should be hated. On the other hand, we have to love sinners. I can think of  three ways to do this. First is show them respect as stated in 1 Peter 2:17 which says, "Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor." Second is we pray for them ("First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people." 1 Timothy 2:1). And last and most important is witnessing to them of Christ--sharing our heartfelt faith in Christ and what he had personally done that changed our lives. (No exchange of intellect and debate here.)

It is indeed an act of love to treat someone with respect and kindness even though you do not approve of his or her lifestyle or sinful choices. And it is not a loving act to allow a person to remain stuck in sin. It's not a hateful act to tell a person that he or she is in sin. The exact opposites are true. Sin leads to death ("Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and when it is fully grown brings forth death"-James 1:15), and we love the sinner by speaking the truth in love ("Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ."-Ephesians 4:15).

My Greatest Fear

When I was a pre-schooler, my greatest fear was to be away from my parents especially my mother. But when I was sent to stay in my grandparent's house to study elementary, which is an hour drive from our home from the city, I was able to overcome that fear.

When I graduated from high-school, I again faced another greatest fear in my life because it was unplanned that I'll study college in Manila, very far away from my family and without any friends in the new school environment. But that fear vanished when I was able to adjust to Manila-life for a couple of years and gained some true friends who helped me coped up with the difficulties and challenges.

The next greatest fear that posed when I was an adult is to bear a child. I'm afraid of needles, I was never hospitalized, my threshold of pain is very low and I really couldn't imagine myself carrying a baby in my womb for 9 months. And the process of how the child would be delivered normally or via cesarean birth is truly an unbearable sight and thought for me. But then again, when I gave birth to our two daughters, I was able to successfully conquer my greatest fear twice.

As the saying goes, "What does not kill you makes you stronger.", I thought I now can face whatever fearful incidents that will come my way. That was my mindset when I was living a "self-centered", 'self-directed", "self-seeking" and "egotistic" life. I may struggle to face my fears but with my own wit and capacity, I'm confident that I can conquer it.

When I surrendered my life to Jesus and accepted him as my personal savior, my true being, as what the creator has designed me for, was exposed right to my very eye. Jesus is the vine and I am the branch, apart from him I can do nothing nor I bear much fruit (John 15:5). I will be useless as soon as all the material things, fortune and credentials no longer buy me peace of mind, happiness, contentment and most of all, my salvation. These things just feed the monster of  "greatest fears". Yes, before living a Christ-centered life, I'm afraid of losing my job, the identity I carry in the corporate world, my sources of income, my husband, my children and all the material things I possess. I know about the story of Job in the bible, I just admired him and I don't want to be like him. That was my old self.

Being transformed by Christ, I thought I am now living a fearless life. God has full of promises in the scriptures, and being a faithful God, I know he would never forsake me and that I could totally place my whole life under his sovereign care. Not until I learned about his nature in Exodus 33:1-4 on the first day of our church's Mid-year Prayer and Fasting.

1 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Leave this place, you and the people you brought up out of Egypt, and go up to the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, saying, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ 2 I will send an angel before you and drive out the Canaanites, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. 3 Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey. But I will not go with you, because you are a stiff-necked people and I might destroy you on the way.” 4 When the people heard these distressing words, they began to mourn and no one put on any ornaments.

God promised the Israelites an angel drive out their enemies. He promised them blessings and favor by letting them enter the promised land, flowing with milk and honey. But the scariest part is, God will leave them, they'll not have his presence.

Never in my life I came face to face with a realistic and very serious fear, that made my knees weak and my heart bleed of its thought. I FEAR GOD WILL LEAVE ME.

God might leave me because...
     - I am very focused on my petitions and prayer requests
     - I preferred to pursue after the blessings and gifts
     - I am so occupied equipping myself with God's word
     - I became too busy with my ministry and discipling our kids through homeschooling
that I neglect to nurture and didn't remain steadfastly in fellowship with God.

When the Holy Spirit sent me this message, I cried so hard, like a girl whose boyfriend just broke up with her, or a wife permanently left by her husband or a mother who lost a child. Deep in my heart I cried, "Take everything I have that hinders my relationship with you but never leave me, my God! For I am just a useless speck of dust without you. I need you in my life!"

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. (Psalm 42:1)

How about you, what's your greatest fear?

The Road Less Traveled

If there is one thing to answer the person asking how I am or how have I been doing lately, the answer is: "I'm on DETOUR!". The areas in my life where I assumingly took total control of before are now suddenly leading to roads I never thought I would be travelling. The journey I never dreamed of trekking but it's a sweet and exciting ride. This started last year, when I surrendered my life to God and accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and savior.

Having a background in engineering, I totally agree in the premise that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. It is in this logical thinking my life was patterned after. Taking control is very easy because a simple logic of "if-then-else" condition (if-"you do this" then-"you get this" else-"otherwise") makes a great pattern to achieve whatever I want.

However, in God's economy, the shortest distance between two points is a not a straight path (by the way how God took the Israelites out of Egypt to the promised land in the book of Exodus). When I came to know about this concept, I learned more about God's character and how obedience, patience and trust play an important role.

God paved my way to detour....

A detour in my faith - from a solid Roman Catholic to a born-again Christian

A detour in my marriage - from being a proud, bossy and control-freak wife to a submissive wife

A detour in parenting - from sending our daughters to conventional school, we now homeschool them

A detour in my career - from a workaholic corporate employee  for almost 2 decades to entrepreneur and household manager

A detour in life's view - from defining success as having a stable high paying job, a complete family, having children, living in your own house, driving your own car to redefining success in life if we live each day becoming more Christ-like and participating in God's kingdom building.

I remember my favorite poem from Robert Frost. I love to read this whenever I make major life-changing decisions before.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I?
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

After I surrendered my life to Christ, I'm rooting myself with the scripture and the poem above could be related from this verse: "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." (Matthew 7:13-14)

The road not taken is definitely not appealing because when you let go and let God, he'll reform us into the likeness of his son, Jesus. The transformation process is very difficult for us humans. This difficulty will deceive us into thinking we have reason for wandering off God's path and our attitudes and habits have places us on the dangerous side-paths of the kingdom of "self".

All my life I have been living out of God's path, in the jungle of rebellion, lust, autonomy, greed, foolishness and self-focus. It's only through his restoring grace I was able to be on his track. Indeed, our savior guide, Jesus, doesn't leave us to our wandering. A good shepherd, he relentlessly seeks us and places us back on his designed path and I am deeply thankful and honored to be placed on detour because my life now is a far cry from from where it was before.